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Taking It Day by Day

For me, diabetes is a huge pain in the ass – literally and figuratively.

In the literal sense, I had to change my infusion set location from my stomach to my, um, side-butt. After weeks of roller coaster numbers on my Dexcom, I finally called the pump company to see if they were having any problems with pump supplies (this has happened before). After an hour on the phone going through all the trouble shooting, the rep asked if I had scar tissue. HA! Of course I do, I’ve been diabetic for over 15 years and have been using the same general body part for injections since diagnosis. So I switched on over to the side-butt and have been seeing some better numbers since.

In the figurative sense, diabetes for me is a constant struggle. Just when I think my bolus and basal rates are right in line, life (or Dee) throws me a curve ball and I get thrown off-balance. During the night, my numbers usually run perfectly between 100 and 120 or so but during the day, my Dexcom screen looks like sideways lightning bolts jumping across the horizon. I’ve been counting carbs and bolusing long before meals but nothing can drag those highs out of the 200’s. Maybe the number trends are new or maybe my Dexcom is just allowing me to see what I wasn’t seeing before. Either way, I’m sick of it! Some days I just want to bury my head in the sand and go back to the days when I was young and didn’t understand the consequences of poor diabetes management. Then I remind myself that my health and my future go hand in hand. Ignoring my health is not an option.

Even though I’ve spent more of my life with Dee than without, I still have a hard time imagining far into my future and all the years in between. I know I’ll have days, weeks or even months of slacking off on my intense attention to Dee – managing such a crap-tastic disease on a daily basis is bound to burn us all out at some point! Someone just be sure to remind me when that day comes that I want a long, healthy(ish) life and my body simply requires a bit more maintenance than most!

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Posted by on July 8, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

D-Blog Week – Letter Writing Day

Dear Little Marella,

First, I’m so proud of the way you have been able to handle this diagnosis. You were a trooper in the hospital and have taken shots like a pro. You were able to smile every day in the hospital, even when all those around you couldn’t. Your smile will be an important part of your life, so be sure to never let that go.

Second, life is going to be tough but you are tougher. You’re going to have to take shots every day. You’re going to have to poke your finger every day. But don’t give up. I know there will be many, many days where it just seems like life isn’t worth living but IT IS. You will be so happy one day, just keep on smiling that beautiful smile.

Thirdly, your mother loves you more than you will ever be able to understand. She may not always say the right thing or act the way you want her to but she loves you and only wants you to be happy and healthy.

Lastly, in the years to come you will have terrible control and the doctors will tell you that your doomed for complications – no one can predict your future. Try hard, smile often and remember that there is always tomorrow.

Grown up Marella

Dear Present Day Marella,

Stop obsessing, stop blaming, stop worrying, stop planning. Life is going to be fine GOOD. You will never be able to control every aspect of your life – try your hardest and for goodness sakes, please keep smiling. I’m wishing for you all the happiness and health that you’ve always wanted, because it’s something you so overly deserve.

Current Marella

Dear Future Marella,

I sat here today, thinking of all the things I’ve done wrong. All the shots I forgot or didn’t want to take, all the carbs I didn’t count or doctors visits I didn’t schedule. And it made me want to apologize for any complications you may have at the fault of me. You have always been such a caring, empathetic, loving person and my lack of control may be stealing precious moments from you. Are your eyes okay? Did you ever have children? Were they diagnosed with this terrible disease?… Did I keep my promise to take control of my own health? Are you happy? I hope you’re in the best of health and still celebrating the little victories.

I need to tell you, though, that I’m sorry for the things I’ve done today that are affecting you now. I want to be able to say that I’ve tried but there are many days where I’ve simply existed and left this disease by the wayside. I can only hope that you have fought hard and are still fighting hard against this disease and that you’re healthy and happy. I will be thinking about you and hoping that you are still smiling through it all.

Young and Naive Marella

This post is part of the Second Annual Diabetes Blog Week

 

D-Blog Week – Admiring our Differences

I married the love of my life last summer and realized shortly after that I wanted to bare his child someday. With a limited amount of knowledge of pregnancy and diabetes, I realized I would need to brush up on a few things. So I began reading and researching and shortly after, I came across a treasure trove of PWD’s blogging about their lives and all life’s moments affected by living with Dee. I’ve found it inspirational, uplifting, scary, hopeful, meaningful and more than anything, made me feel like life, REAL LIFE, was possible for me. It was tangible proof that real life PEOPLE were out there, making their life what they wanted and not letting Dee stop them. I spent a week straight on one blog catching up on the 5 or so years I missed (since it was newly discovered by myself). I’m new to the blogging world, as a writer anlurker reader and just can’t seem to get enough of what those real writers have to say.

I formed an immediate appreciation and admiration for all the other T1’s that, like me, were simply living their lives. But unlike me, they had found an outlet to share their experiences with the rest of the world. I found inspiration in their words and within a few short months, I found the courage to begin my own blog.

So thank you, to each and every one of you that found you’re own courage to share your life through your words, it has inspired me to changed my life and give myself to a cause far beyond my little blog.

This post is part of the Second Annual Diabetes Blog Week