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Category Archives: D-Blog Week 2011

D-Blog Week – Awesome Things

This post is supposed to be about the awesome things I’ve done or experienced because of Diabetes. I have to admit, this is a tough one for me. I have finally come to acknowledge Dee and realizing it will be with me forever but it’s hard to give credit to this disease for any accomplishment in my life. With that said…

Lately, my life has revolved around building my career and thoughts of building a family. And Dee has caused me to examine my health and what I expect from this life. Because of that, I’ve learned so much about my own health – more than most people will know about themselves EVER.

And, though I’m not at a loss for tragic moments in my life, Dee offered a perspective on hardship that I may not have realized. Although I wouldn’t wish Diabetes on anyone, I do sometimes wish those I love (and everyone else) could understand the frailty of life and the mundane, asinine things they’ve chosen to focus so much attention on. Life is tough and mine is no tougher than the person’s beside me, despite our vastly different experiences. Sometimes I think I’ve just taken those moments and centered around something better than the problem. We cannot focus on the things we would change or the actions we’ve taken but rather act now and take the bull by the horns to create the reality we wish to live out.

To date, my biggest accomplishment is my drive, determination and happiness that came with tackling life head on. I’m living as though this disease cannot stop me. I laugh like a healthy person, I have a career like a healthy person, I smile as much as a healthy person and will have a happy, successful life like any other healthy person. And sometimes, despite this broken pancreas, I think I’m a lot healthier physically and mentally than those with fully functioning organs. Whether this life I live is because of Dee or despite it, I still don’t know for certain but I will take what I’ve got smiling.

This post is part of the Second Annual Diabetes Blog Week

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D-Blog Week – Ten Things I Hate About You, Diabetes

1. I hate that you require SO much attention. Minutes here and there really add up and that’s time I could be spending with family, or shopping, or at the dentist. Because really, I think I would rather visit the dentist every day if it meant living without YOU.

2. I hate that you stole the last sliver of kid left within me and pushed me full force into adulthood at a far too early age.

3. I hate that you have such an impact on my husband and I’s decision to have a family and I hate that you will be so much a part of that process.

4. I hate that you occupy so, so much of my mind. I wish I could just shut you off and shut you up but that would only mean harder times for myself.

5. I hate that you cost me money – and I’m not just talking about a few bucks here and there. You cost me so much that I don’t even want to add it all up for fears that I might want to spend it all on something else (like central air conditioning for the house or a fancy vacation somewhere).

6. I hate the hurt you cause me. You hurt my fingers, my stomach, my eyes, my heart, my kidneys and pretty much every other organ and body part.

7. I hate that you cause the people that love me to worry about me. I’m responsible and independent but no matter how well I care for myself, they will always have cause for concern with you around.

8. I hate that you’ve stolen a bit of my independence. I know I can do many things but many ignorant people think I cannot and will judge me for being burdened by you – and the world is full of ignorant people.

9. I hate you for keeping me from being a pilot. It doesn’t really matter that I’ve never actually wanted to be a pilot, I just hate that you would keep me from realizing that dream (if it were my dream).

10. I hate that I will be thinking of you ever moment, of every day and night, for the rest of my life. You don’t deserve to be looked after so well but I forever will.

But, Dee, as much as I hate you and everything about you, I am thankful that you choose my body to reside in. Because, if given the choice between watching those I love go through this or living through it myself, I choose me a million times over.

This post is part of the Second Annual Diabetes Blog Week

 
 

D-Blog Week – Diabetes Bloopers

We’ve all done it, something so stupid it doesn’t seem possible. Something so dumb you just have to smack your head and ask, ‘What was I thinking?!’. Bloopers in life can be a little more serious for us PWD’s – the following are not such moments (well, maybe they were but I still lived through them 😉 )

Incident One:

Before I was put onto a pump, I did the whole multiple daily injection thing. And honestly, at my young age (then 14 or so), two shots at breakfast and two shots at dinner was a breeze. Sometimes it was easy to forget about being diabetic. Well sometimes, it seems, it was a little too easy.

My whole life, my family has camped. It was a ritual filled with hours of packing the van for 4 children, 4 friends, one adult, one dog and all that was required for two weeks away from civilization. This would normally include diabetic supplies – tester, testing strips, lancet, syringes, insulin, and even a one pound bag of skittles (for lows). No prob’, Bob, I was an old pro. But after the two-hour ride, setting up all 5 of the tents, building our firewood supply and getting food on the grill for dinner, I realized I forgot my insulin….whoops!

All the pharmacies were closed so that left only one option, the local backwoods Hospital Emergency Room. When we arrived, myself, my mom and my friend were convinced we had misread the location and ended up at a veterinary clinic – it was in fact the hospital (no larger in size than a Walgreens). I don’t recall a single other patient and there couldn’t have been more than 3 doctors and 3 nurses. I was checked in and spent what seemed like an hour explaining my ‘condition’ and what insulin I needed. They looked baffled, exited the room only to return and explain that they, nor any other doctors on staff, were aware of the existence of such an insulin.

I don’t actually remember how I ended up with insulin at that hospital but I did and I survived. And now we laugh about it often 😉

Incident Two:

It seems inevitable that with age come independence. For me, that meant transitioning from daily injections to a pump. I thought, ‘Sure, I’m responsible (I was not). I can handle a piece of technology worth thousands of dollars’. I did well with it for the first, ummm, probably couple of weeks. I was in high school – I was grown up, right?! Wrong. It was snowy one morning and I forgot a book in my car so I ran out to get it. Hours later, I left for lunch and happened to exit out the same door as earlier in the morning and saw something in the snow. I thought to myself, ‘Hey, someone has a pump like mine!’ My excitement was short-lived when I, A) realized that the pump was not attached to said person, and B) that it was in fact MY pump laying in the snow, outside the back door of the high school. Awesome. *shakes head*

There are many other moments, like every time someone asks me where I keep my pump, I tap between my boobs like knocking on a door (and then remind myself that people might think that’s strange or inappropriate to share such information). Or when I leave my glucometer at home and even sometimes forget my pump when I leave for work in the morning. But we can’t take these moments too serious, or we might go mad. All we can do is fix the problem and laugh about it for years to come!

This post is part of the Second Annual Diabetes Blog Week

 
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Posted by on May 11, 2011 in D-Blog Week 2011

 

D-Blog Week – Letter Writing Day

Dear Little Marella,

First, I’m so proud of the way you have been able to handle this diagnosis. You were a trooper in the hospital and have taken shots like a pro. You were able to smile every day in the hospital, even when all those around you couldn’t. Your smile will be an important part of your life, so be sure to never let that go.

Second, life is going to be tough but you are tougher. You’re going to have to take shots every day. You’re going to have to poke your finger every day. But don’t give up. I know there will be many, many days where it just seems like life isn’t worth living but IT IS. You will be so happy one day, just keep on smiling that beautiful smile.

Thirdly, your mother loves you more than you will ever be able to understand. She may not always say the right thing or act the way you want her to but she loves you and only wants you to be happy and healthy.

Lastly, in the years to come you will have terrible control and the doctors will tell you that your doomed for complications – no one can predict your future. Try hard, smile often and remember that there is always tomorrow.

Grown up Marella

Dear Present Day Marella,

Stop obsessing, stop blaming, stop worrying, stop planning. Life is going to be fine GOOD. You will never be able to control every aspect of your life – try your hardest and for goodness sakes, please keep smiling. I’m wishing for you all the happiness and health that you’ve always wanted, because it’s something you so overly deserve.

Current Marella

Dear Future Marella,

I sat here today, thinking of all the things I’ve done wrong. All the shots I forgot or didn’t want to take, all the carbs I didn’t count or doctors visits I didn’t schedule. And it made me want to apologize for any complications you may have at the fault of me. You have always been such a caring, empathetic, loving person and my lack of control may be stealing precious moments from you. Are your eyes okay? Did you ever have children? Were they diagnosed with this terrible disease?… Did I keep my promise to take control of my own health? Are you happy? I hope you’re in the best of health and still celebrating the little victories.

I need to tell you, though, that I’m sorry for the things I’ve done today that are affecting you now. I want to be able to say that I’ve tried but there are many days where I’ve simply existed and left this disease by the wayside. I can only hope that you have fought hard and are still fighting hard against this disease and that you’re healthy and happy. I will be thinking about you and hoping that you are still smiling through it all.

Young and Naive Marella

This post is part of the Second Annual Diabetes Blog Week

 

D-Blog Week – Admiring our Differences

I married the love of my life last summer and realized shortly after that I wanted to bare his child someday. With a limited amount of knowledge of pregnancy and diabetes, I realized I would need to brush up on a few things. So I began reading and researching and shortly after, I came across a treasure trove of PWD’s blogging about their lives and all life’s moments affected by living with Dee. I’ve found it inspirational, uplifting, scary, hopeful, meaningful and more than anything, made me feel like life, REAL LIFE, was possible for me. It was tangible proof that real life PEOPLE were out there, making their life what they wanted and not letting Dee stop them. I spent a week straight on one blog catching up on the 5 or so years I missed (since it was newly discovered by myself). I’m new to the blogging world, as a writer and lurker reader and just can’t seem to get enough of what those real writers have to say.

I formed an immediate appreciation and admiration for all the other T1’s that, like me, were simply living their lives. But unlike me, they had found an outlet to share their experiences with the rest of the world. I found inspiration in their words and within a few short months, I found the courage to begin my own blog.

So thank you, to each and every one of you that found you’re own courage to share your life through your words, it has inspired me to changed my life and give myself to a cause far beyond my little blog.

This post is part of the Second Annual Diabetes Blog Week