Today feels right. Right to be happy. Right to be working. Right to be diabetic. Right to just BE. It’s raining and dreary but for some reason, today feels like the right day to just be alive. Nothing particularly special happened today, no pivotal moments that I will note for years to come. I am just me today and I feel content with that fact. There are plenty of days in my past and sure to be many in my future where I question myself, including my health, and wish to not be something I am.
But today is not one of those days. Today, I will be me – take it or leave it, I don’t care. For today, I am myself.
As a PWD, it’s important to accept myself, broken pancreas and all. It’s difficult to know that this disease carries with it an inherent risk of complications and so many heavy emotional hurdles. And it’s hard to not focus so far into the future that I forget about the present. So I’ve been trying to focus not on what diabetes won’t let me have but rather on what I can do and can have despite a terrible disease. I’ve accept that Dee is part of life and realized that it is (to a certain extent) a controllable thing. So many other aspects of life are out of my control but this is something I can conquer, even if it is one day at a time.
I knew someday I would be a wife. Someday, I hoped, I would go soaring into my 20’s with my health (and eyes) intact. Someday I would be a productive member of society. All this and so much more, I have accomplished.
And someday I’ll be a mother. Someday I’ll be a grandmother. Someday I’ll travel more. Someday I’ll be a better boss. Someday, I’ll do all the things I’ve dreamed of doing or dreamed of becoming. I’ll work hard and achieve all the things I want in life. But today, I will just be happy with being me.